As happy as I may appear to be and as great things are going for me as of lately, I still surprisingly find myself coming down with emptiness at the end of the night before closing my eyes.
For some strange reason I can’t seem to understand why I feel that way or why I would tend to be in a depressing state of mind. I don’t ever say anything to anyone about my personal/inner feelings only because I come off as such a positive individual that people would assume me to be but that’s just looking from the outside in.
Idk what’s wrong with me. I guess I’m still trying to find happiness. I mean- yes, happiness is a definite choice and anyone can simply choose to be… but in my case, as I choose to be so, I still feel the empty spaces at the same exact time. Maybe I’m meant to feel both. It’s always been that way, or- maybe I just haven’t found anything or anyone that can fill it thoroughly just yet. Or- maybe I have, but I still don’t feel much of the ‘happy’ and forcing it won’t make it better. I can only take in so much emptiness, and next thing you know, it’ll just fade into black. My heart is so damn guarded, I almost feel like it has its own thoughts and feelings that I’m unable to control. I guess that’s just the way it is.